Change Ourselves

Why It’s So Difficult To Change Ourselves?

We must decide to change ourselves by will. If we don’t, the circumstances will eventually force us to change.
– Fahim Lashkaria –

We all want to succeed and also somewhere try to change ourselves. But we quit, we delay or don’t take action.

Many of us aren’t serious. We want but with an easy way without sacrifice which is the price of growth. Some of us are serious and try to do it but fear the results. This stops us from taking action.

Change is not hard. All you need to do is to change the perception. Recently, I wrote an article about How Mind Is The Source Of All Suffering?

This article explains the basics of how words and thoughts play an important role in your experience. Situations are the same but have different effects based on the mind functions.

First, we will dig why is it so hard for many of us to change ourselves even if we know it’s good for us? Then we will see how we can easily train our minds that will not resist but help us to change ourselves.

There have been many psychological studies on the mind. And now we know more than we knew earlier about the psychological patterns of our mind.

What I am going to say now is completely related to us and most of us do this. Let me take you through the mind of a person who finds it hard to change just to understand why it happens.

How Our Past Doesn’t Let Us Change?


Usually, when we wake up, we begin to think about our problems. Problems here mean anything we don’t like to do but doing just for the sake of doing.

Each problem is connected to people and things in our life. In the past, our mind has recorded these problems. Thus, you start reliving the past in the present moment even though it is currently not happening.

Each bad or good experience in the past is connected with emotions like hurt, betrayal, etc. Every act of human has emotions as the final result.

If someone does good, we are happy. We don’t like something we are unhappy or sad. Everything we “do or face” ends with “good or bad” emotions.

Now, when we think about those past problems or negative emotions, suddenly, we feel unhappy, sad and even the pain that we felt at the time the incident occurred.

How we think and feel creates your state our being.  Thus, when we think of past failures, betrayal, and other bad experiences. Our mind doesn’t know the difference between thought and actual occurrence. And we start to feel the same pain again.

Thinking of the past we keep creating the same life. Being exhausted with the feeling of pain, we grab our cell phones, check social media, take pictures, and whatnot just to relieve the pain. But this relief is temporary and we live this pattern of life almost every single day.

This daily routine develops these thinking patterns into a habit and further turning it into a program on which our mind works. We lose our free will and work like a robot as per the program that we have fed into our minds.

Change Ourselves

As we have lived with this program for years and now when we think of change, the mind finds it difficult to accept it. We have lived 95% of the time with an old set of behaviors and emotional reactions.

This leads to a situation where now the body leads the brain. As we know subconscious is more powerful than the conscious mind, our body now rules over our conscious actions. With this 5% conscious mind only we can do is to think and not act.

We then wait for the crisis, trauma, bitter health conditions, or loss of near and dear ones to make up our minds to change.

Do you remember the first line of this article if we don’t change by our will, the circumstances will eventually force us to change.

How To Easily Change Ourselves? Will

Now the question here is how can we easily change ourselves by will and not by forceful circumstances. All you have to do is to reverse the process. Let me explain in detail.

First of all, we have to understand that our past is not our reality and stop being a slave of that. Just recreate the emotion of what you want or the action of what you want by closing your eyes.

Just as we rehearse a play before the final occurrence, we need to start mentally rehearsing it. The mind does not know the difference between what you’re imagining and what you’re experiencing.

Reprogram your subconscious mind. Once you start doing this your mind starts experiencing positive outcomes, our mind accepts it and encourages us to do the same.

Don’t wait for success to feel empowered, for wealth to feel abundant, or someone to feel loved. How we feel inside of us is what the mind accepts as reality.

This is how we become the creators of our new world. It is important because the more conscious we become we are less likely to go unconscious past.

It is just like nurturing a garden. We need to get rid of the weeds and tenderize the soil by plowing it to plant new flowers.

Similarly, we need to remove the emotional blocks and plow the mind. Plant new emotional feelings that we want.

This way we define our vision of the future. So when you plan to change, our mind supports the change. Now, your mind doesn’t resist the change.

When we create our reality, it affects and creates our environment. When we feel the same unconsciously as we want our future to be.

The best way to do all this is to meditate. It doesn’t mean to sit in a corner and chant the mantras. But the condition is that you must do it regularly.

Playing soft music or just sitting calm helps your mind to disconnect from our past environment. It is like training our pets. As we say them, stay where you are I’m gonna feed you and when you are done you can get up.

When the body wants to go to its old routine of negativity which is our emotional past, we are in control. This is how we bring back our mental energy that dwells in the past to the present moment.

We are no longer the slave of our past emotions. Doing this over and over just like training your pet, the mind will obey us. This is how we break the chains of those emotions that kept us in the familiar emotional past.

Final Thoughts


The basic reason we do not accept change is our comfort zone. The human mind works on patterns fed in the subconscious. When we tell the mind to do that is opposite to our previous patterns, it creates resistance towards those things.

Even though we know the truth that instead of suffering every day, the solution will give us permanent relief. We worry about social pressure more than what we are going through. What will people say or think?

This social pressure builds fear of failure in us. Fear of failure is the worry we experience when we think about all the things that have gone wrong in the past or the thing we will face if we accepted the change.

Additionally, we start to believe that what we do is good we will never even try to change ourselves. We either lack knowledge or we are self-proclaimed.

When we push our limits of what we used to do earlier, it becomes our new comfort zone. Just go on slowly stretching your limits and we will cross the border of fear.

Don’t force your mind but fool it. It is egoistic and doesn’t want any clash with thoughts. As explained above, make your future new self known to it first and then slowly apply changes.

A very effective formula to overcome unwillingness to change is to implement change in several stages. Your mind won’t accept sudden and huge changes at once.


Eating too much at a time will just upset your tummy. Similarly, an overdose of change can get your mind upset. Get knowledge, keep an open mind, and be ready to accept.

For those who gave up and thinking to give up due to fear. Ask yourself these questions. What brought you till here can it get you to the goal? if not what is missing? Can I learn?

My mentor gave me this exercise and it has always helped me in such situations.

At any point, if you want me to help you, I will be more than happy to assist you.

Change Ourselves

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