Physical Attraction is what gets you to the door, But there has to be something beyond that to keep you there.
– Jaci Burton –
Breakups in millennials and divorces in marriages are on the rise recently. The main reason behind it is we are unable to know whether it is love or attraction.
The word “love” has become so worthless that people say to everyone and anyone. We even don’t know what actually it means.
We have tried to simplify this to the maximum extent to understand love in the proper sense and avoid unnecessary drawbacks of attraction which lead to divorce, breakups, depression, and in some cases to even suicide.
Let us dig deeper on what is the difference between love and attraction.
What Is Attraction?
An attraction or infatuation is an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone.
We meet someone, they talk with you, support you and liked your things. They praised some of your matters and you think he/she is our love.
We start seeing each other, talking to each other and in some cases, we even get into physical relation.
Suddenly, due to small arguments or misunderstandings, we feel its nothing like between us.
You just admire their personality. You fell for the person based on your quick judgments.
Within a few days, you come out of that breakup shit and start to look for someone else. It is nothing but merely a sexual attraction in which you desired one’s body.
What Is Love?
Love is not a task or destination, it is a process. You don’t seek for love, but to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
When you are in love, you feel the person in their presence and even in their absence.
Love is not to seek a person or it doesn’t make you weak. Besides, it makes you stronger every time you feel it. Love happens in small details over time.
When you respect your partner with all their flaws, understand them in their downturns, make them feel secure than over time it turns into true love.
Love is different, it has many forms and it is finding yourself in your partner and giving your partner the same.
The Difference Between Love And Attraction
Now we have just known the definitions of love and attraction, it’s time to identify them through real-life stories.
A girl named Akansha was in a relationship. She and Amit were college friends and became close to each other.
Used to meet on movie dates, coffee dates, and even go on long drives to know their compatibility.
Amit is 23 years old and has the business of his father. Akansha is 24 years old and is doing a job.
Both belong to a good & rich family. They started sharing a good bond. Now, they have been dating for 5 years. Amit proposes her for marriage. She was still in dilemma but eventually, said yes.
They got engaged. Now they are enjoying their courtship time. (between engagement and marriage)
But their relationship takes a turn. One fine day, Akansha meets her best friend and shares her feeling.
She said she didn’t want to marry. But since the family is involved, she has to marry him.
Her best friend was shocked for a moment. Akanksha went on sharing Amit’s behavior.
Amit was still immature and not behaving how he should behave as an adult. And he starts involving with some girls which she doesn’t like it at all.
Of course, this will affect Akansha in many ways. Amit has started taking her for granted.
In my view, Amit is an immature lover and Akanksha is balanced and easy-going nature. She likes hanging out with friends, going to parties, do what she likes to do- basically, she is a free spirit.
Amit is also one of it but his fun, his love, his way of thinking about life is different than her.
A Simple Cure
So what they can do to make their relationship work for a longer period? Both of them has to do only one small thing – adjust according to one’s need.
They are going to get married soon and if still, their relationship equations don’t change, they are going to face a lot of difficulties matching with each other.
We all have our comfort zones but sometimes for the one you love, you need to let go of certain things to make a happy relationship.
Your relationships are just like a house. When a lightbulb burns out, you don’t change your house. You fix that lightbulb.
Akanksha knows that Amit’s behavior is somewhere wrong or he is not understanding some points. So she needs to take a lead and sail the ride. She is the one who has to become bigger in this relationship.
Love is Selfless. There is a couple I know. The most beautiful and has an extreme level of understanding between them. Meet Sameer and Kiara.
They are friends since school. Before binding into love, the friendship between them seeded the strongest bond. They started as friends and then became best friends.
Sameer is ambitious, sensitive, love addict, straight-forward and soft-hearted person. Kiara is the logical, practical, big heart and hyper angry person. Both are different and opposite.
They became friends not by choice but by circumstances. They had common friends. Slowly, they started talking and made a balanced friendship.
In everybody’s life, the day comes when you fall for the person who always takes care of you when you are broken.
Sameer was broked due to his reasons. And that’s where Kiara gave him emotional support.
Similarly, at times Sameer also gave Kaira the love she longed for. They both became each other’s, pain killer.
They had downturns, but nothing could break them apart. It was one reason – the deep connection between them that they shared.
Their intimacy needs no words. Their actions prove it.
Now they are dating each other for 5 years. And share the friendship bond is of 11 years.
Their journey was filled with tangy memories, small fights and tons of love. They way they take care of each other in small things is very romantic.
What’s The Reason?
They don’t have a toxic love relationship but they have a wholesome and giving relationship.
Both of them believe in giving rather than taking. Be it time, love or exchanging things.
Here if you see, these two are bound by love and not one-night feeling. They work on their emotions through which their relationship gets oxygen.
The First Rule Of Attraction (An Attraction – Love Triangular Theory)
What do you think is the main factor to get in any kind of relationship with a new person? It’s not about love at first sight. So what is it?
The answer is very simple: the people with whom you meet every day or you are in most contact with.
You are more likely to get attracted to the people who are around you every day. The factor is called proximity.
You will become friends with people you in regular contact. The research shows (Festinger, Schachler, & Back, 1950) that you get more close to the people whom you see and talk to every day.
Because you get to know them. Their dislikes, behavior, thought processes and how they deal with their problems in life.
First, you form relationships, then you build friendship and at last, you fall in love. These are the process. Again, falling in love is another thing and being in love is another.
Falling in love is mostly related to a person’s outer side. It’s about your lover’s skin, voice, thoughts, talks and how trustworthy they are. You always see them wearing your own binocular.
Being in love is more likely about your partner’s wishes, space, and comfort zone. You never calculate your expectations, hype your ego or show waves of anger.
It’s a sacrifice of your expectation to make your and your lover’s life peaceful. And it’s a give-and-take relationship.
Yes, I believe love needs both people together. But to create this harmony, one has to start first.
Love Vs. Attraction
We all know how beautiful the love relationship is but we still feel confused.
Sometimes we don’t know what it is or sometimes we pretend that it’s love. Some attraction starts as love and ends as mere infatuations till sunrise.
So, how to know the difference between the two?
Love and attraction are two different things and cannot co-exist. Here I am giving you 16 points by which you can get your answer:
1. Attraction Happens in Twinkling of an eye. Love is a slow process.
2. The attraction is about satisfying physical needs. Love is about a deep connection with your soulmate.
3. The attraction is overhasty with your feelings. Love is thoughtful.
6. Infatuation is a selfish motive. Love is genuine.
7. Attraction creates jealousy and possession. Love creates trust.
8. Attraction is making a big deal out of small fights. Love is to let go.
9. Infatuation makes you fall in love with the partner’s look. Love makes you fall in love with yourself.
10. Attraction encourages holding grudges. Love is forgiveness.
11. Attraction makes you question your lover’s feeling. Love is the answer to all your questions.
12. Infatuation is childish. Love is mature.
13. Attraction grows with desire. Love grows with friendship.
14. Mere Attraction gives you insecurity. Love gives you timeless and free space with your soulmate.
15. The attraction is loud and shows-off. Love is in silent.
16. The attraction leads to self-destruction. Love is a healing process.
How To Love Someone Truly?
Many studies have been done on this and many psychiatrists have studied human behavior and found some ways to love someone truly. Let’s have a look.
Recognize Your True Love
When you meet someone and feel warmth, a kind of secure feeling or as your comfort zone, think that it is your true love.
Someone makes you feel complete. Your parts are not in destruction but fulfilled by your soulmate.
True love is about pure happiness and sacrificing your anger for the sake of your soulmate’s peace.
Never try to hurt them in return no matter how much bad they said to you in anger.
You always understand their psychic condition and don’t jump to the conclusion. You keep your promises and never break their trust. This is when you recognize your true love.
If you want to become a true lover, make sure you take care of small details between your relationship because love is always found in tiny details.
You fetch a glass of water for her/him without being said or even you listen to their bad day even when your day was best.
This is what true love is – says nothing but gives you a million feelings.
How Secure You Feel
Sometimes we may feel that our partner doesn’t make us feel secure enough. It can be many reasons: money-related, involving with other girlfriends, trust issues or social status between two partners.
So yes, love is responsibility too. You have to take care of each other in all ways possible.
Be it giving a financial status, fulfilling your lover’s need or spending more time with your loved one. Make your partner secure with you is the first thing you should do.
How Long You Have Been In A Relationship
Time matters because love is a process. You don’t start understanding each other on initial days.
First, you form a relationship, do friendship with your loved one, make them feel good around you, treat them right and show a special place your heart. More importantly, you win their trust.
Trust and loyalty is the most important factor when you want to run a long-lasting relationship.
I also believe that love is where respect is given. By respect, I don’t mean how many times you call them with a love name or open a car gate for them.
It’s about understanding them instead of directly jumping to conclusions. Know their reasons and if something goes wrong – communicate.
Instead of indulging yourself in big fights, communicate and give time to each other.
Analyze The Way You Are Thinking About The Other Person
The way you think about the other person will tell a lot about how you feel about them.
Have you ever felt the bad vibe with someone you were close to in your past? It’s because every human passes a vibe or intentions. It lands to the other person without saying anything.
If you analyze more about such situations where you felt something is not right or you don’t feel good with a person’s presence.
That’s the point where the other person might be passing you uncertain intentions which makes you feel uncomfortable.
Also, it goes the same with you. How you think about a person, lands to the other person and you might find some disturbance between you two based on certain vibes.
Be careful of what you think, negative or positive. If you love someone truly, always give positive vibes to them.
Always say – I believe in you, I know you love me and you are not going to leave me and we are always gonna be together. Try this and tell me if it has changed something between you two.
Look At How You Handle Conflict
Conflicts and misunderstanding are part of a relationship. These are the crazy waves at 10 feet in a silent sea. No matter how long you sing a forever song, there will be fights. It’s normal.
Conflicts are the sings you still care about the other person. It’s a true love song. I think you should start worrying when there is no fight.
But again, everything has a limit. If you chew bubble gum for a long time, you start having a headache. It’s as true as your fights. Misunderstanding happens but there is a way to handle it.
When another person is angry, instead of getting double angry on them to save your egoism, take a break.
Listen carefully to the other person. Understand what they want. I am sure they don’t want anything beyond your power and that much you can do for the one you love.
Loving doesn’t limit to giving gifts to your loved one because they are upset, but understanding them is one of the best gifts you can give to your person.
Your Thoughts Upon Moving Forward In The Relationship
If you don’t grow in love then it does not love. Love is the learning process of your lover.
It’s about learning your flaws when you are with them and vice verse.
So, when you feel that your relationship is on the downward, you don’t lose your temper or misunderstand your love with delusional thoughts. There is a space between every lover that they should use properly.
In that space, you can become anything you want with another one, you can become mad, crazy or anything you like to be. Because that’s your space, your freedom and that will help you forward your relationship.
This space comes with no filter. It’s purely you and the other person who is doing something that only you both can understand.
Enjoy that space, understand each other, grow together, share ideas, dance together, eat from one bowl – you will be surprised you can discover a whole new world inside your partner’s heart.