One day your child will make a mistake or a bad choice and run to you instead of away from you and in that moment you will know the immense value of respectful positive parenting.
– LR Knost –
Positive Parenting or Positive Discipline is the most important thing we should focus on. Every parent today is worried about their immoral, misbehaved, aggressive and feelingless child. But have you ever thought why is it so?
It is only possible when something is done wrong. Just think of the situation where you have a boss who is treating the way you are treating your children. You also will be frustrated and confused.
Today, we as parents suppress our children and try to nurture them in the way we were nurtured before decades.
Over time, things have changed a lot but still, we follow the same old school rules. We still believe that being a strict parent will bring out a better child. Not only that, just as we did everything as our parents told us to do we also want our children to obey us.
Just think for a moment, what financial situations, social situations, education systems, etc we didn’t have at that time which are there currently.
The current generation is a different breed and needs to be nurtured differently. They are fragile so don’t play with your future as they are the ones going to take care of you when you grow old.
According to studies conducted by psychological experts, it has been proved that the more stringent rules make the person most rebellious when the limit of tolerance ends.
There is a very simple way of doing it and it is called Positive Parenting or Positive Discipline. Let us have a simple understanding of what it is and how it can help us.
What is Positive Parenting?
Positive Parenting is the method of handling a child with encouragement and empowerment keeping mutual respect between each other. In simple terms, it is finding solutions making the children a part of the decision and evaluating the consequences of the act.
Positive Parenting is nothing but dealing with a situation in a constructive way rather than an authoritative way.
When your child commits any unacceptable act even after being explained the effects and consequences, instead of taking out frustration by yelling and physical punishment you can do it by explaining our anger.
You need to maintain self-respect. It should not be done in front of others. Instead of physical punishment, you can show them that their actions hurt you and what shame you had to face. This makes them see your pain. On the other hand, physical punishments express your frustration.
How Positive Parenting Works?
As a parent when you explain to your child what behaviors they’re working on, why, and what the consequences are.
You need to use a caring and firm tone which encourages the child to make decisions that make sense. It makes the child feel valued and cared for and thus has long-lasting results.
First of all, you need to understand the cause why is it happening? Here are three major things you need to first work on:
Joy of Forbidden
Have you heard the word “Joy of Forbidden”? It is human nature that when you are said not to do something, you will do it at least one time to see what happens. While we grow we start using it less, but children have this thing in the most active forms.
So don’t forbid things, keep an eye, if they do something wrong let them taste the consequences. When you tell them not to do anything, they will have a curiosity to know what it is and will do.
Making them aware is different than forbidding. When you make them aware, you show them examples of others who have done this and the consequences they faced.
Whereas forbidding is saying no to do a particular thing without explaining them anything and saying that it is bad for you.
This parenting method requires a hell lot of tolerance in the worst situations. It is very tough for parents who have been raised by authoritative parents. But not impossible, it just takes a longer time to learn.
I always suggest the parents who are serious and eager to learn positive parenting to learn calmness and politeness first and then apply it with children.
Be A Role Model
Children copy you. So do it first to make them do the same.
You lie over calls and you expect your child to be truthful. That’s an unfair standard. Be the change you want them to be.
One of the Swaminarayan Saint said it very profoundly and precisely about this:
“Get ready to be paid in the same coins you gave them.”
It is preferable to hear more than reacting to situations. You get time to understand your child by hearing their things. Look for the root from where that habit or act generated.
Mostly, children dealt with negative discipline tend to develop low self-esteem or become rebellious. Both situations will hinder the child’s future.
I have already written a detailed article on How To Overcome Low Self-Esteem? Signs, Causes & Solutions. This article consists of details of the causes of low self-esteem in children, youth and adults.
The parents must understand that punishment is an authoritative way of dealing with things. Children handled with a positive discipline find their parents responsive to their needs and feelings.
In response, children engage themselves less in socially risky behaviors and are likely to have more successful social as well as academic life.
This topic is never-ending and I will soon write about this in detail about things that you must do and not do.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask in the comments section and I will be more than happy to help you